Isn't this the cutest baby on the planet?

Swen is 5 months old now, 27 inches long and 16-1/2 lbs. and very healthy. He's long and lean, the doctor says he's in the top 90 percentile for length(height) compared to other babies his age. Amy says he laughs all the time and has started eating baby food (carrots and applesauce). I can't wait to spend Christmas with him, and his mom and dad of course. Oh yeah, and Dan too.

Having a baby around at Christmas makes me think more about the birth of Jesus, what that must have been like for Mary and Joseph, and Mary's mom. Swen has a very nice crib to sleep in with toys and a mobile; Jesus slept in an animal feeding trough. Swen has moved once already in his life, from Show Low to Yuma; Jesus also moved to Egypt soon after he was born. I can hardly stand it when Swen cries, like when he goes down for a nap; what was it like for Mary to watch her son on the cross? Swen will be my favorite gift this Christmas; and Jesus is the ultimate gift at Christmas. Life...abundant, purposeful, adventurous life...all this from the birth of a baby named Jesus.

Joy to the world!

Debbie

Thinking past, present, and future

So, I'm thinking again. Dangerous, I know. With Dan now #2 on the hospital transplant list and the holidays upon us, my brain is going non-stop. My emotions range from rejoicing to fear to uncertainty to laughing (and to cheering for the UH Warriors football team). And many memories have surfaced from the past 29 years of marriage and 22 years of serving in Hawaii.

The past
My good friend Matt stopped by my office today and we did quite a bit of reminiscing from youth choir days (1986-91). We performed 6 musicals: What Really Happened to Joseph, Friends, Surrender, And It Came To Pass, The Pledge, and Revival in the Land (that may not be the exact order). We took the Joseph musical to the Big Island and performed in 3 locations, along with mission activities at 2 churches. Talk about an act of faith, and God poured out His blessings. We also performed Friends in several churches on Oahu. Each musical had a unique message that touched our hearts. Each year we met new youth and said aloha to the seniors, always a sad event. I think Dan would agree that we have been so blessed to know each and every youth and to know many of them are still serving the Lord in many ways and in many places. We weren't perfect, just at the right place at the right time with eagerness to serve God and love people. God also gave us great families with great kids.

The present
Right now, I'm listening to the radio while I type and one of my favorite Christmas songs is on..."You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch". I love it! Christmas isn't Christmas until I hear some favorite songs like this, watch The Charlie Brown Christmas and Christmas at Rockefeller Center on TV, make and eat some Chex Mix, and sing in the church Christmas cantata. The cantata is this weekend and I'm really looking forward to this one, it is like the youth choir musicals, with a drama going on and choir songs in between scenes. This Saturday I also have Christmas JoyBreak, an annual event sponsored by the Hawaii Pacific Baptist Convention. I'll be busy working, and also enjoying the fellowship of 130+ guests and the wonderful music to be provided by the Hongos and Master's Touch Hula.

The future
"Future" sounds so ominous, I picture the ghost of Christmas future from the Dickens story, his face shielded by his dark hooded robe, pointing that bony finger for Scrooge to follow. With Dan close to getting his liver transplant, the future is a little ominous. Of course, I remain hopeful that all will go well through the surgery and recovery, but there are so many variables. And thanks to the previews on TV for that new movie "Awake", I have more to worry about. Part of me wishes God would send me a letter detailing out the future...and part of me is glad not to know. I don't think either of us would have wanted to know in 2006 what 2007 held for us. I hold fast to the many many ways God sustained me/us through difficult, often painful times in the past, knowing the God of my past will be the God of my present and future.

Hope
You know, God has sent us a "letter"...His Word. It's a love letter with which He romances me with true stories of heroes and heroines, songs and poetry, creation and beauty, war and peace, to the ultimate redemption of my soul. God provided so many ways to show me He loves me, and when I just didn't get it, He knew He had to become like me, to tell me in human flesh how much God loves me. And being a just God, but also a loving God, He took my punishment for not choosing Him first, for my sin, He took the punishment by sacrificing not me who deserved punishment, but His only Son. For me. For everyone. What a romance, He pursued me to the point of death, to give me what I never knew I always wanted...Himself.

"His promises are 'yes' in Jesus. (2 Corinthians 1:20)
Sometimes that's all I have to lean on.
I don't understand His plan, but I surrender.
I'll walk the path if You're with me,
Standing on His promises for me."

Debbie

An encounter to remember

After a wonderful visit with Dan, Amy and Swen last weekend, I've returned to real life back home and as usual, it is taking a few days to get back in the swing of things. My mind feels a little like jello and I can't get enough coffee. But this evening, my jello brain has stopped jiggling around and I feel more like myself.

I had an amazing encounter with God last night. Getting ready for bed, I was talking to Him about my day. A thought shined in my mind, a brief statement I heard Beth Moore say on tv one night while I was channel surfing. "You can choose how you respond to problems. You can whine, act on the feelings of despair, or you can choose to live trusting in God." I put quotes, but actually that's a paraphrase of what I heard her say. Thinking about that, I asked God to teach me more about this truth. Lovey, my cat, came upstairs right then, ready for me to read outloud to her (yes, you read that right). So, instead of reading A History of the Middle East (my newest interest), I picked up Dan's Bible. Remembering a verse in Psalm 118, I ended up reading the entire psalm and it was as if He was answering my request to teach me more about that truth through this psalm.

This passage is filled with so much truth, so much great spiritual "food". King David was faced with many real enemies, people kind of enemies. And he shares some real emotions, real fears. But he counters with more characteristics of God: He is good; His love endures forever (5 times); He answered me...; the Lord is with me; He is my helper; it is better to take refuge in the Lord; the Lord helped me; the name of the Lord; He has not given me over to death; and on and on.

I felt my heavenly Father lean in close and whisper: I know you also have enemies - fear, uncertainty of the future, loneliness from missing Dan, a relentless sinful nature waging war against your spiritual nature. Just like David, you feel anguish (vs. 5), surrounded and swarmed around like bees (vs. 11-12). But keep crying to Me, and I will answer by setting you free (vs. 5). Freedom ... what a breath of fresh air just to say the word!

He then whispered another life-altering truth: verse 14 says "The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." How often I have prayed for the Lord to give me strength... God says that He is my strength, my song, my salvation. Strength, song, salvation...is actually God Himself.

And, if that encounter last night wasn't enough, God sealed that truth by Dan's latest journal entry. As I posted Dan's blog a few minutes ago, I think I heard a heavenly chuckle and I felt a heavenly hug from my heavenly Father. A delightful surrender, indeed.

One more thing. Dan, do you remember our recent conversation? God gave me a promise for our future: verse 12: "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." Dan, you are the love of my life and my best friend. I wait for you and with you, and will proclaim with you what the Lord has done for us.

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. (Ps. 118:1 and 29)

Debbie

Sailing in peace

A strange phenomenon is happening.

This week is one of the most stressful all year at work, with everyone scurrying around to prep for the HPBC New Workers Orientation, Annual Meeting, and Celebrate Missions. One of my bosses is out of town, so I have more responsibilities this year.

Exciting times...I will be visiting Dan, leaving Saturday night and returning on Wednesday. And frustration with a kidney stone and infection that has Dan on "status 7", meaning he's temporarily off the transplant waiting list.

Back to the strange phenomenon...peace in the flurry. I am in the middle of a whirlwind, yet very calm and focused, even smiling. It certainly passes all my understanding (Phil 4:7).

The only explanation I have is the power of prayer. So many are praying for us, and God has answered your prayers. I wanted you to know that.

I recently learned a fun song called "Sailing". I pray you will also sail in peace.

With Christ in my vessel, I can smile at the storm
Smile at the storm, smile at the storm
With Christ in my vessel, I can smile at the storm
As I go sailing home.

Sailing, I'm sailing home
Sailing, I'm sailing home
With Christ in my vessel, I can smile at the storm
As I go sailing home.

Gratefully,
Debbie

Holiday Memories

Tomorrow is Halloween. Check out my grandson Swen, 3 months old, in his first Halloween costume. Isn't he the cutest?

I’ve been thinking about holidays. One of my early Halloween costumes was Huckleberry Hound (anybody else remember him?). Back in those days, my friends and I went trick-or-treating, without parents, all over the neighborhood, and we were never afraid to eat the caramel apples or popcorn balls. Then I had my own precious daughter Amy, and our family celebrated Halloween at our church fall carnival where Amy’s favorite activity was the pony ride, riding when she was little, and then walking the ponies around as a teenager. When she was little, I drove Amy to a few church family’s homes to get the experience of ringing the doorbell and saying “trick or treat.” Afterwards, we always visited Anania Place where a table was set up with all sorts of snacks and candies, and each of the neighbors greeted the children. The funniest year was when they had a silver platter and cover on the table and the neighbors would invite the children to open the cover, only to find our friend's head on the platter with fake blood dripping from his mouth.

Thanksgiving was next, my Dad’s favorite holiday. I remember Mom cooking all morning, and Dad wheeling out the portable tv to sit along side the living room tv, both set to different football games, and the radio on next to him so he could hear a third game in his earphone. Sounds of Dad cheering or yelling at the ref, smells of turkey and trimmings, happiness filled our house that day. And naps filled our house after our turkey feast. Years later, I find Thanksgiving is now my favorite holiday, with sweet memories of my Dad, and the smell and taste of turkey and stuffing takes me right back to my childhood kitchen table. Dan, Mom and I started a new tradition last year by having Thanksgiving dinner at Stuart Anderson’s Cattle Company, and Mom and I will be there again this year. Dan will share Thanksgiving with his parents this year, still waiting for that new liver, and I miss him terribly.

The Christmas catalogs have started arriving, usually 3-5 per day and I find myself a little wistful anticipating Christmas this year. Yes, I will spend about a week in Phoenix with Dan and his folks and his sister Debbie and her 3 kids. We hope Amy and Adam and Swen will be able to join us. Sadly this year, we will miss Dan’s sister Roxanne and Joel as they recently moved to Colorado, though Dan’s folks plan to fly there on Christmas day and spend the week. I’m usually ok with changes in things, but don’t mess with my holidays. And sadly, I know that when I leave Phoenix after Christmas, I will be leaving alone, again, unless Dan gets his new liver.

You know, the older I get, the more I have to work at keeping the joy and wonder of the holidays. My memories are a big part of how that, and retelling all the old stories keep them new again. And the older I get, the more I find the Truth more precious, which really keeps the joy and wonder. To celebrate with families at the church fall carnival, to share God’s love, to give a hug to a child or a grandma is a privilege. To finally get it that Thanksgiving is more than football and turkey, but to spend the day in real gratitude to God for His many blessings (and pray the Vikings win at least 1 game this year.) And Christmas, more than the choir musical, more than the smell of pine trees and hot cocoa, more than the crisp, cool air, more than the pretty packages under the tree and the taste of homemade cookies. I look at my nativity set, and I finally get it. A real teenage couple traveled many, many miles to a real Bethlehem, and God came in the form of a real baby, because He really loved me. A real star pointed the real wise men to bring real gifts and offer real worship. As the saying goes, “wise men still seek Him.” I may not be wise, but I now, really do, seek Him.

“Oh come, let us adore Him…Christ the Lord”,
Debbie

Hard times

I don't mean to whine...well, maybe just a little. Today is a hard day. Dan had surgery today for the kidney stone and I couldn't be there. I'm grateful for Dan's mom keeping me informed, but still, I'm not there. He just called me and is in a lot of pain, and I'm not there.

Yesterday was "Pastor Appreciation Day" at church, and along with the other pastors, they presented me a beautiful lei and a gift certificate for Dan, but Dan couldn't be here. Encouraging words were shared along with many warm hugs, yet Dan wasn't here.

Today is a hard day. It's been just about 4 months of living in 2 different states, and I am not a happy camper. In Star Trek lingo, it feels like I'm trying to beam from the Enterprise to a planet, yet I'm caught in the transporter, so I'm not on the ship and not on the planet, but sort of in limbo somewhere. It's a tug-of-war in my soul. I am walking through life, putting one foot in front of the other, taking care of each day's needs, but my heart and soul aren't in any of it.

And yet, God is sustaining me, empowering me to get up every morning and serve Him where He leads. I think of the song "Your Love is Extravagent" by Casting Crowns:

Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant
Spread wide in the arms of Christ is the love that covers sin
No greater love have I ever known You considered me a friend
Capture my heart again

I pray that Christ will keep my heart captured during this dismal waiting period.

In His Arms,
Debbie

Just Thinking

I've just been thinking how life is many colors. So many beautiful moments, like the joy of Dan and his parents getting to see Amy and baby Swen this week, getting to see him smile and laugh, touching his soft baby skin; enjoying moments with Amy, watching her grow into this beautiful woman and mother. New life, new possibilities, making new memories, enjoying the old stories again, watching Andy Griffith reruns and great movies. Bright, beautiful colors; crisp, cool breezes and dewy leaves and new flower petals; bird songs in the morning. Like the morning scene in the animated Cinderella movie.

Life is also cold, dark, grey, murky colors. I got an email from my cousin Walt today. I had hoped he would update me on his recent surgery and chemo for thyroid cancer. He did not provide that info, but stunned me with the news that his mom (my aunt, my Mom's sister-in-law) died in August, and that his only son committed suicide 3 days ago from a drug overdose. Walt is divorced from his childrens' mom who got full custody of the kids and never allowed Walt to see them again. I can't imagine the pain Walt must be in these days. Please pray for Walt and his wife Annie, and for his ex-wife and also his daughter.

Life is many colors. But in Christ, all things are made new (2 Corinthians 5:17). Just like the most beautiful rainbows come from the heaviest rain storms, Jesus can create beauty from ashes and joy from mourning (Isaiah 61:3). I don't understand it, but I believe it; now I feel the pain of loss, but I will remember God, His song will be with me in the night, and I will praise Him again (Psalm 42).

Color my world, Lord, with hope...
Debbie

My turn

At the suggestion of a very good friend, it's time to share my thoughts and feelings about Dan's liver disease and this crazy long wait for transplant, living across an ocean from each other.

I can remember our wedding, 29 years ago. 2 crazy kids, no clue what life held ahead of us and we didn't even care that we both didn't have jobs. We'd figure everything out when we got to it. God must have a sense of humor to watch his kids wandering around through life. I imagine him guiding us, much like the scientist guides the mice through the maze. After everything we've been through, I think my fulfillment is really in the journey, not some cozy destination where everything is rainbows and Reeses peanut butter cups. The journey is hard, sometimes painful, sometimes lonely, sometimes angry, sometimes beautiful, I never see the end of the road, but I don't need to as long as God's word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path. I have always found it difficult to consistently read the Bible, though I never had a problem with consistently feeling guilty about it. These days, the Word of God leaps off the page, steadies my being, fills me with hope even while I feel hopeless, it is never changing and always available and filled with adventure, love, challenge, human emotions, defeat and victory, everything. I love reading one of Dan's Bibles, it has his notes and I feel closer to Dan reading it.

Ok, there's lots more to tell, only later.
Debbie