Worrying

Dan's in rehab now and it may be just a few months before we get to fly home. I am thrilled at how well he is doing and all, however I find myself in a tempest of emotion and worry for the future. I know in my heart that God hasn't brought us this far to leave us on our own, that He has a plan for us, but in my mind, it's a different story.

* We have to be careful of infections now that Dan will be immuno-suppressed for the rest of his life. He has to stay away from sick people, he can't eat raw fish (no more sushi) or raw fruit or veggies served by others or from a salad bar or restaurant, he has to be especially careful not to cut himself or to be scratched by an animal or to get sick from mold, etc. Will I be able to take care of Dan? Do I have what it takes?

* Dan's been away from his ministry for 16 months now. The church is doing well, God has done some extraordinary things during this time and the staff has taken on more work with excellence. And as expected, some things have changed, new ministries have formed and other ministries have gone away. What will Dan's "job" be like when he returns? Will we find our place of service in a church of new programs/people/plans? Will our ohana remember us? (that's probably dumb, but I worry about dumb stuff also).

* My mom has done well with me gone, a lifetime of gratitude goes to Wally and Lorrie Enos and many others from MBC, and Nathan Takeuchi-a family friend. I'm amazed at how well she's doing for being 86. But she is 86, Lord....

* And maybe the most worrisome of my worries. Dan and I have been married 30 years, and I think he's been healthy for maybe 5 of those years. He's had countless surgeries and illnesses, and it's hard to remember when illness or pain did not define our lifestyle and even our relationship. Plus, we haven't even lived together consistently for over a year, since Dan was in Phoenix waiting for his transplant. What will our relationship and marraige be like now? Will it change? Will we do things differently? Will we have anything in common? I've been making all the financial and household decisions for over a year now, the transition back to joint decision-making is scary.

Forgive me, Lord, I know worry is a sin and does not please you. I want to trust you and not be afraid. You did a miracle by providing a liver for Dan and for healing him and restoring his life to him, even when he wasn't at the top of the waiting list, you still provided. You have been faithful, and I want to keep trusting you with each step of our remaining journey. Dan and I both want to share our story with everyone and anyone, to encourage others and share Christ with the lost. Satan reminds me of my weakness; Father, please remind me of Your strength.

I love you, Lord,
Debbie